unimpressedcats:

i turned around to my desk and saw this glory in my magnifying mirror

Kid: Yeah give me a pack of Marlboro Reds.
Cashier: Are you 18?
Kid: It's okay, they're a metaphor.

Cake Boss in a nutshell…

barebackbearyak:

Customer: I want a nice chocolate cake for my young son, and he likes trucks, so could you maybe do a little frosting picture of a truck on the top?

Cake Boss: SOS WHAT WES GUNNA DO IS MAKE A GIANT TRUCK ENTIRELY OUTTA RICE CRISPIES AND COVA DAT IN FONDANT AND IZ GUNNA SHOOT SPARKS AND CATCH FIYAH, POSSIBLY KILLIN YOUR SON IN DA PROCESS.

cyclopentanone:

when you have to go around the circle and introduce yourself to the group

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cadburycreamcoolator:

let-it-fucking-be:

cadburycreamcoolator:

american people who use british slang

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We just want to be one of you and watch BBC on the telly and drink tea and ride the trolley :)

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kris10woodruff:

the “teacher stance”

rightsided:

This is exactly what happened.

vinebox:

When you kiss your teeth at your parents then try to play it off

tiorickyaoi:

"i need a movie where there are kickass female characters"image

"i need a movie where the main characters aren’t attractive"image

"i need a movie with annoying talking animals"

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"i need a movie where the main character lives in a swamp"

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"i need a movie that has all star by smash mouth on the soundtrack"

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